Angels and Demons: The Porno

Bored with nailing their sisters and brothers, the women of the Earth start having sex with–allegedly–angels and demons. The text actually says this:

and sons of God see the daughters of men that they [are] fair, and they take to themselves women of all whom they have chosen.

That is commonly understood to mean angels or demons, even though the concept of angels and demons has not been introduced in the Bible, and there has been no mention of any sentient beings other than humans and animals. Well, not only are the humans knocking boots with otherworldly wraiths, but they are having little Damien and Damiette babies. This royally pisses God off even though he has never said anything about not having sex with demons and angels, and has actually given them the command to “be fruitful and multiply.” Basically, he commands everyone to whore it up, then gets mad when they obey. Keep in mind the only prohibition mankind has at this point is not to eat from a tree. Yet this pisses God off so much that he concludes that the whole of humanity is wicked, evil, and needs to be completely wiped off the face of the Earth.

Interestingly, the text suggests that God blames himself for this “wicked” creation, saying:

6 and Jehovah repenteth that He hath made man in the earth, and He grieveth Himself — unto His heart.

So he never told them not to do this, but hates that they’re doing it. He blames himself but decides to

wipe away man whom I have prepared from off the face of the ground, from man unto beast, unto creeping thing, and unto fowl of the heavens, for I have repented that I have made them.’

Yes. He fucked up, so he will kill every single thing on the face of the Earth, men, women, children, puppies, kittens, etc. It even looks like he may be planning to destroy the Earth itself.

At the last minute, he decides that he will leave this dude Noah alive (no info on what he has done or not done to avoid the cataclysm), and gives him instructions to build a boat that are both ridiculously detailed and woefully inadequate to permit someone to build a boat that would actually, you know, float. I say it is ridiculously detailed, because we only had a couple verses that peripherally touched on the wickedness that justifies the extinction of everything on Earth, yet we get details about (1) which woods to use for the interior and exterior of the boat, (2) how long, wide, and high it should be, (3) that it should have windows of a certain size, (4) that it should have rooms, and (5) how many stories it should have. I say that it is woefully inadequate because how the fuck is a random guy who has no known skill in construction of any kind supposed to build a giant boat which will hold two of every animal on Earth and remain watertight for forty days with five rather general specifications.

Here’s an important point: WHY THE FUCK WOULD GOD NEED SOME DUDE TO SAVE TWO OF EVERY ANIMAL? If he planned on extinguishing all life anyway, why wouldn’t he just save the human who was not evil (Noah) and his family, and then re-create the animals after the flood? Did he run out of creation juju? I know he doesn’t have any conscience about mass-murdering animals, or humanity, so it’s not some squishy vegan sentiment that saves the animals. It makes no goddamn (pun intended) sense.

Finally, God tells Noah that there is going to be a flood but doesn’t say when it will come, which is weird because it seems like giant boat building and gathering all of animal creation might take a hot minute. You’d think Noah would inquire about the deadline (literally). God also doesn’t tell him how long the flood will last, but just tells him to get some food. How much food to collect for thousands of animals and a handful of humans seems like an important detail.

GENESIS 6

1 And it cometh to pass that mankind have begun to multiply on the face of the ground, and daughters have been born to them,

and sons of God see the daughters of men that they [are] fair, and they take to themselves women of all whom they have chosen.

And Jehovah saith, `My Spirit doth not strive in man — to the age; in their erring they [are] flesh:’ and his days have been an hundred and twenty years.

The fallen ones were in the earth in those days, and even afterwards when sons of God come in unto daughters of men, and they have borne to them — they [are] the heroes, who, from of old, [are] the men of name.

And Jehovah seeth that abundant [is] the wickedness of man in the earth, and every imagination of the thoughts of his heart only evil all the day;

and Jehovah repenteth that He hath made man in the earth, and He grieveth Himself — unto His heart.

And Jehovah saith, `I wipe away man whom I have prepared from off the face of the ground, from man unto beast, unto creeping thing, and unto fowl of the heavens, for I have repented that I have made them.’

And Noah found grace in the eyes of Jehovah.

These [are] births of Noah: Noah [is] a righteous man; perfect he hath been among his generations; with God hath Noah walked habitually.

10 And Noah begetteth three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

11 And the earth is corrupt before God, and the earth is filled [with] violence.

12 And God seeth the earth, and lo, it hath been corrupted, for all flesh hath corrupted its way on the earth.

13 And God said to Noah, `An end of all flesh hath come before Me, for the earth hath been full of violence from their presence; and lo, I am destroying them with the earth.

14 `Make for thyself an ark of gopher-wood; rooms dost thou make with the ark, and thou hast covered it within and without with cypress;

15 and this [is] that which thou dost with it: three hundred cubits [is] the length of the ark, fifty cubits its breadth, and thirty cubits its height;

16 a window dost thou make for the ark, and unto a cubit thou dost restrain it from above; and the opening of the ark thou dost put in its side, — lower, second, and third [stories] dost thou make it.

17 `And I, lo, I am bringing in the deluge of waters on the earth to destroy all flesh, in which [is] a living spirit, from under the heavens; all that [is] in the earth doth expire.

18 `And I have established My covenant with thee, and thou hast come in unto the ark, thou, and thy sons, and thy wife, and thy son’s wives with thee;

19 and of all that liveth, of all flesh, two of every [sort] thou dost bring in unto the ark, to keep alive with thee; male and female are they.

20 Of the fowl after its kind, and of the cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the ground after its kind, two of every [sort] they come in unto thee, to keep alive.

21 `And thou, take to thyself of all food that is eaten; and thou hast gathered unto thyself, and it hath been to thee and to them for food.’

22 And Noah doth according to all that God hath commanded him; so hath he done.

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