Don’t pray to God for help, He’s more likely to fuck with you than help you.

All right, this is getting stupid. We literally JUST heard in Chapter 10 that these people started speaking different languages when they went their separate ways:

By these have the isles of the nations been parted in their lands, each by his tongue, by their families, in their nations.

Then Chapter 11 IMMEDIATELY contradicts that:

1 And the whole earth is of one pronunciation, and of the same words.

So the people, who either do or don’t speak the same language, decide to build a city, and it seems like they have quite a laudable reason for that decision:

4 Let us build for ourselves a city and tower, and its head in the heavens, and make for ourselves a name, lest we be scattered over the face of all the earth.

They want to stick together! The story I remember is that the Tower of Babel was evil because people were trying to outdo God. They got uppity and starting building a giant middle finger to God. But they were just trying to maintain ties with their family! God, the fucking asshole, sees the city and its building and decides the people are doing way too well, they are way too happy and self-sufficient. Seriously, look:

and Jehovah saith, `Lo, the people [is] one, and one pronunciation [is] to them all, and this it hath dreamed of doing; and now, nothing is restrained from them of that which they have purposed to do.

This is Münchausen syndrome by proxy on a grand scale! God sees that people are doing well without him, and instead of being happy that his creation is happy and self-sufficient, he’s pissed that they don’t need him any more, and throws them into chaos! People pray to God to help them realize their goals, and here we have definitive proof that he stands in the way of success, he restrains them from achieving their goals:

Give help, let us go down, and mingle there their pronunciation, so that a man doth not understand the pronunciation of his companion.’

And Jehovah doth scatter them from thence over the face of all the earth, and they cease to build the city;

What a prick! When the people were struggling, God decided to wipe them off the face of the Earth. When they managed to pick up the pieces and craft a new existence, he gets resentful and fucks with them. What an asshole!

As an aside, who is the “us” he’s referring to? Who did he recruit to mess with humanity? And what’s more, this is yet another contradiction from the last chapter, where we learned that everyone had already basically organically separated to different lands based on their clan.

To close out the chapter, we have several more verses about people begetting other people. Details are pretty sparse with most of them, but we stop at Abram and Nahor, and Abram’s wife Sarai, and we learn that Sarai is barren. This is basically the first time we have any details about any woman in several generations, since Eve really, and it’s just to note that she is not doing her “job” as a woman: to make sons. The two women the Bible has paused on were (1) Eve, who is decried as the original sinner who dooms mankind, and (2) Sarai, who fails to produce children. Way to go Bible.

GENESIS 11

1 And the whole earth is of one pronunciation, and of the same words,

and it cometh to pass, in their journeying from the east, that they find a valley in the land of Shinar, and dwell there;

and they say each one to his neighbour, `Give help, let us make bricks, and burn [them] thoroughly:’ and the brick is to them for stone, and the bitumen hath been to them for mortar.

And they say, `Give help, let us build for ourselves a city and tower, and its head in the heavens, and make for ourselves a name, lest we be scattered over the face of all the earth.’

And Jehovah cometh down to see the city and the tower which the sons of men have builded;

and Jehovah saith, `Lo, the people [is] one, and one pronunciation [is] to them all, and this it hath dreamed of doing; and now, nothing is restrained from them of that which they have purposed to do.

Give help, let us go down, and mingle there their pronunciation, so that a man doth not understand the pronunciation of his companion.’

And Jehovah doth scatter them from thence over the face of all the earth, and they cease to build the city;

therefore hath [one] called its name Babel, for there hath Jehovah mingled the pronunciation of all the earth, and from thence hath Jehovah scattered them over the face of all the earth.

10 These [are] births of Shem: Shem [is] a son of an hundred years, and begetteth Arphaxad two years after the deluge.

11 And Shem liveth after his begetting Arphaxad five hundred years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

12 And Arphaxad hath lived five and thirty years, and begetteth Salah.

13 And Arphaxad liveth after his begetting Salah four hundred and three years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

14 And Salah hath lived thirty years, and begetteth Eber.

15 And Salah liveth after his begetting Eber four hundred and three years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

16 And Eber liveth four and thirty years, and begetteth Peleg.

17 And Eber liveth after his begetting Peleg four hundred and thirty years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

18 And Peleg liveth thirty years, and begetteth Reu.

19 And Peleg liveth after his begetting Reu two hundred and nine years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

20 And Reu liveth two and thirty years, and begetteth Serug.

21 And Reu liveth after his begetting Serug two hundred and seven years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

22 And Serug liveth thirty years, and begetteth Nahor.

23 And Serug liveth after his begetting Nahor two hundred years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

24 And Nahor liveth nine and twenty years, and begetteth Terah.

25 And Nahor liveth after his begetting Terah an hundred and nineteen years, and begetteth sons and daughters.

26 And Terah liveth seventy years, and begetteth Abram, Nahor, and Haran.

27 And these [are] births of Terah: Terah hath begotten Abram, Nahor, and Haran; and Haran hath begotten Lot;

28 and Haran dieth in the presence of Terah his father, in the land of his birth, in Ur of the Chaldees.

29 And Abram and Nahor take to themselves wives; the name of Abram’s wife [is] Sarai, and the name of Nahor’s wife [is] Milcah, daughter of Haran, father of Milcah, and father of Iscah.

30 And Sarai is barren — she hath no child.

31 And Terah taketh Abram his son, and Lot, son of Haran, his son’s son, and Sarai his daughter-in-law, wife of Abram his son, and they go out with them from Ur of the Chaldees, to go towards the land of Canaan; and they come unto Charan, and dwell there.

32 And the days of Terah are two hundred and five years, and Terah dieth in Charan.

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2 thoughts on “Don’t pray to God for help, He’s more likely to fuck with you than help you.

  1. I always thought that the idea that a stone tower being able to rival the works of an omnipotent God was ludicrous. Just one more piece of evidence point to the fact that the Bible is the word of man, not the word of God.

  2. Makes you wonder why any woman would want to be a pastor! As pastor they must have at least read the book and though “Well now, this makes perfect sense. Misogyny is divine treatment of women… I think I’ll be a preacher”

    Kind of like a blinded WWI soldier, with hands on the shoulders of the soldier in front, licks his dry lips and thinks to himself “hmmm, that is tasty, I think I’ll open a mustard factory”

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