“Go Ahead and Kill Her, She’s Just a Slave,” Says the Shittiest God Ever

God’s principles are revealed again in Genesis 21 to be bafflingly inane, xenophobic, and anti-family. The chapter is about the birth of Isaac, Abraham’s son through Sarah. He already had one son through Sarah’s slave, Hagar. You may remember that Sarah treated Hagar so poorly (with Abraham’s tacit endorsement) that she ran away into the wilderness.

More than a decade later, Sarah still has an axe to grind. At the celebration feast for Isaac’s weaning, she tells Abraham to get rid of Hagar and her son. She reveals that she is worried about Ishmael stealing Isaac’s inheritance. Abraham has a crisis of conscience about exiling one of his sons, just a 13 year-old child. He is initially resistant to his jealous and greedy wife’s demand, BUT GOD INTERVENE’S and tells him, “No, go ahead, throw those fuckers out into the wilderness.”

12 and God saith unto Abraham, `Let it not be wrong in thine eyes because of the youth, and because of thy handmaid: all that Sarah saith unto thee — hearken to her voice, for in Isaac is a seed called to thee.

Yet again, God is modeling some excellent family values.

Now that sending women and children to their deaths has the Jehovah seal of approval, Abraham gets up early the next day so he can chuck his offspring out into the desert to die. The story gets pretty sad at this point, as we imagine this woman and child, exiled for the second time, wandering the desert. The asshole didn’t even give them enough water to survive any reasonable amount of time, and Hagar has to leave Ishmael under a shrub while she goes off a way in the distance so she doesn’t have to watch her son die:

15 and the water is consumed from the bottle, and she placeth the lad under one of the shrubs. 16 And she goeth and sitteth by herself over-against, afar off, about a bow-shot, for she said, `Let me not look on the death of the lad;’ and she sitteth over-against, and lifteth up her voice, and weepeth.

God ends up “saving” the two that he demanded Abraham abandon in the desert. I guess we’re supposed to marvel at how great Jehovah is for hearing their cries and saving them, but that’s like demanding recognition for bandaging someone who you just stabbed in the face. You are a fucking asshole if you create human suffering just so you can slap a half-asseed remedial fix on it and claim to be the fucking best God in the universe. Here’s an idea: don’t cause the suffering in the first place.

“Oh but god causes trials and suffering so we can grow from it,” says the Christian at this point.

Well that’s asinine. God is a teenage girl causing drama for excitement and personal gratification. If he can’t think of any better way to stimulate personal growth than causing humans bodily and emotional trauma, then he is a shitty excuse for a deity. This is not an example of human choices or a moral failings causing suffering, while God paternalistically watches his creation muddling their way through it while they achieve personal growth. This is God, working on his own for his own selfish reasons, completely creating a situation that  caused misery and suffering for innocents. He didn’t do it for any reason other than that he would get to high-five himself and brag about it later. Look, two verses later:

22 And it cometh to pass at that time that Abimelech speaketh — Phichol also, head of his host — unto Abraham, saying, `God [is] with thee in all that thou art doing;

He caused a man to throw his son into the desert to die, making his mother trudge along in the wilderness until death was inevitable, just so he could get a shout-out about how powerful he is. He is a self-centered and brutish bully who has less moral compunction that his flawed creation. Again, thank god there is no god.

After that, the chapter closes with some bullshit about a well. Nice work again Bible.

 

CHAPTER 21

1 And Jehovah hath looked after Sarah as He hath said, and Jehovah doth to Sarah as He hath spoken;

and Sarah conceiveth, and beareth a son to Abraham, to his old age, at the appointed time that God hath spoken of with him;

and Abraham calleth the name of his son who is born to him, whom Sarah hath born to him — Isaac;

and Abraham circumciseth Isaac his son, [being] a son of eight days, as God hath commanded him.

And Abraham [is] a son of a hundred years in Isaac his son being born to him,

and Sarah saith, `God hath made laughter for me; every one who is hearing laugheth for me.’

She saith also, `Who hath said to Abraham, Sarah hath suckled sons, that I have born a son for his old age?’

And the lad groweth, and is weaned, and Abraham maketh a great banquet in the day of Isaac’s being weaned;

and Sarah seeth the son of Hagar the Egyptian, whom she hath borne to Abraham, mocking,

10 and she saith to Abraham, `Cast out this handmaid and her son; for the son of this handmaid hath no possession with my son — with Isaac.’

11 And the thing is very wrong in the eyes of Abraham, for his son’s sake;

12 and God saith unto Abraham, `Let it not be wrong in thine eyes because of the youth, and because of thy handmaid: all that Sarah saith unto thee — hearken to her voice, for in Isaac is a seed called to thee.

13 As to the son of the handmaid also, for a nation I set him, because he [is] thy seed.’

14 And Abraham riseth early in the morning, and taketh bread, and a bottle of water, and giveth unto Hagar (placing [it] on her shoulder), also the lad, and sendeth her out; and she goeth on, and goeth astray in the wilderness of Beer-Sheba;

15 and the water is consumed from the bottle, and she placeth the lad under one of the shrubs.

16 And she goeth and sitteth by herself over-against, afar off, about a bow-shot, for she said, `Let me not look on the death of the lad;’ and she sitteth over-against, and lifteth up her voice, and weepeth.

17 And God heareth the voice of the youth; and the messenger of God calleth unto Hagar from the heavens, and saith to her, `What to thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath hearkened unto the voice of the youth where he [is];

18 rise, lift up the youth, and lay hold on him with thy hand, for for a great nation I set him.’

19 And God openeth her eyes, and she seeth a well of water, and she goeth and filleth the bottle [with] water, and causeth the youth to drink;

20 and God is with the youth, and he groweth, and dwelleth in the wilderness, and is an archer;

21 and he dwelleth in the wilderness of Paran, and his mother taketh for him a wife from the land of Egypt.

22 And it cometh to pass at that time that Abimelech speaketh — Phichol also, head of his host — unto Abraham, saying, `God [is] with thee in all that thou art doing;

23 and now, swear to me by God here: thou dost not lie to me, or to my continuator, or to my successor; according to the kindness which I have done with thee thou dost with me, and with the land in which thou hast sojourned.’

24 And Abraham saith, `I — I do swear.’

25 And Abraham reasoned with Abimelech concerning the matter of a well of water which Abimelech’s servants have taken violently away,

26 and Abimelech saith, `I have not known who hath done this thing, and even thou didst not declare to me, and I also, I have not heard save to-day.’

27 And Abraham taketh sheep and oxen, and giveth to Abimelech, and they make, both of them, a covenant;

28 and Abraham setteth seven Lambs of the flock by themselves.

29 And Abimelech saith unto Abraham, `What [are] they — these seven lambs which thou hast set by themselves?’

30 And he saith, `For — the seven lambs thou dost accept from my hand, so that it becometh a witness for me that I have digged this well;’

31 therefore hath he called that place `Beer-Sheba,’ for there have both of them sworn.

32 And they make a covenant in Beer-Sheba, and Abimelech riseth — Phichol also, head of his host — and they turn back unto the land of the Philistines;

33 and [Abraham] planteth a tamarask in Beer-Sheba, and preacheth there in the name of Jehovah, God age-during;

34 and Abraham sojourneth in the land of the Philistines many days.

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